erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
even my farts smell like vagina
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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