I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
