just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
