Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
