They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
