I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize