I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
well most of my day revolves around power hour
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize