Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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