I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
