If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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