it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I need a burrito and a hug.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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