My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
