Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
