My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
