I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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