At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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