After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
