Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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