the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
