went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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