So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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