I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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