like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
