And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
