After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
