Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
