I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ladies don't puke and tell
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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