Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
