She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
