What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did i walk over a car last night?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
