Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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