i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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