I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
