I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
