Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
