You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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