you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If I had your ass I would rule the world
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Help. Why am I so naked?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
