Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Slut skills are useful in every country.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
