You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
