I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
