Are we in a gay sports bar?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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