my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
