Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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