it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
