In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
