so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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