Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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