Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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