I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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