So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
