I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
