i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
