the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
