i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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