So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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