No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
