thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
