i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
