You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
