When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
