If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
