I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
